Friday, June 04, 2010 2:07 am
01/06/10
Been a long time since I had my last entry. A lot of things had happened. All I have is time now. So, let's recall everythng.
Firstly, there has been a news spreading around saying that I'm a liar and a person who wear mask. The seed of the news is someone that I last thought of. He should know who is I... Felt really lousy when I heard it. Frankly speaking I do not know what I have said that he overheard in the armskote that causes such a misunderstanding. Maybe I've really said something that affected him so much that he could make this comment about me. Felt like being slapped by my own left hand.Yup.
For the mask part, I had to admit it that different situation I had to don on different mask. But I have to be honest that, people who I cherish and care will know who is the real me. They will see through whether I've don on the mask or not. Just listen to the way I speak and the way I bring myself infront of the people and so on. I don't think it's so hard to detect that. Isn't it?
But frankly speaking, I also do not know when is the real me. The quite shy on the outside or the angry noisy me hidden inside somewhere. It almost came out a few time. Maybe I will feel better if that 'thing' come out and face the world? Think I'll shocked the hell out of many people.
I dunno why it had affected me so much. Maybe i've really cherish the bond with this person. Guess once it's lost, it's lost forever.
I'm actually starting to feel the change in me... The numbness... Actually it's good also ba... It's more for defence. Oh well.
Secondly, the meeting was kind of triggered some stuff from me. All I want is to care for the guys and this is what I get. I understand the standing at N can be very tiring and I didn't want them to do it so I
requested for a swap in location. PC started to came out with a lot of ways but in the end it still went back to the one that I had planned. Went for a round just for nothing. I really dunno how they looked at
me but I really hope that they can and will understand what I've been through.
Talking about this, a certain person only care about which location will he be at when his section haven't even settle down. Pfft. And he always ALWAYS ask me which location he will be at. Can't he COUNT! I also dunno why I'm always the one who does the planning. Blah. Think I'll keep my hands off all these to stop giving myself any more problem.
Frankly speaking I'm feeling kind of numb of everything now. The relationship stuff. Yup. Numb. Like what they say I cannot favour each and everyone of them.
Was here but not Now.
